There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
