every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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