Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
