3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
