I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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