I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
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Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
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I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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