I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
