I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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