and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I came so hard my ears popped.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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