i jhust puked up my retainher.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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