Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
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