I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
