Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
