I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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