with your own penis?
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
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