I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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