I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
