You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
