are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
