Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Randomize