I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize