Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
