Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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