I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
