the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
