The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
