yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
