I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
how drunk are you?
Several
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
