I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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