matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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