Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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