And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
