my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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