I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
