Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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