Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
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Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
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I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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