also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
