in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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