I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
