she woke up with a sticky ear
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
