i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
