you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
