So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
