In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
