hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
