My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
