Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
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Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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