He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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