After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
