i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
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