It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
