You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Text me some of your sweat
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
