First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
