Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I puked a lego.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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