pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
