she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize