dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
