dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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