remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
