Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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