i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
