Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
