Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
false alarm. still invincible.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
