I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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