As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
