my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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