She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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