Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
