I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
