I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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