My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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