I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
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He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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