i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
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Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
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That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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