i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
