Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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